Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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