Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
