the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
