so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
