dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
