Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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