OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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