i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
