so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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