She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
