I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
And then he peed in my hair
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