i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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