then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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