Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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