is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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