I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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