That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
