You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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