She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
