I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize
