Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
