dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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