just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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