i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
