He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
