I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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