Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
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