You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
