i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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