...so i touched it.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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