You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
