no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
