Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
