just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Bring me that man meat
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
