she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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