I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
