If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
