yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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