I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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