You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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