you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize