I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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