just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Boobs speak an international language.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
