dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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