I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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