Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I'm always down for nudity.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
