Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
