spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
