she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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