Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
