Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
