i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
