Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
