last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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