I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
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