Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Randomize
