guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
