She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
