Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I will pee on everything he values.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
