yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
