How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
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