I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
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if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
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Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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