Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I just want nice things and good sex
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
