How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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