Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
