After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
